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this is a gross meta post about that ev event where i half-heartedly considered making chuck a vampire for the lulz, and then realized that he would have to die to get all better. then i had a lot of serious thoughts about it.


SO I GUESS I SHOULD START WITH

i don't really kill my characters off. like. ever. in my 9+years of rp, i have never actually killed a character off. mostly this is owed to a lot of personal opinions mehhhhhs about how death is handled in games and with casts and with characters- especially so in games that aren't permadeath, because i feel that 99.9% of the time, muns choose death plots for the angst of the moment and i don't see a whole lot of lasting effects/follow up.

further, our pacrim cast is really tightly knit and completely fucking codependent lmao
there's a lot that hasn't been addressed between them- like, the entire end of the movie. i know with the rangers alone, relationships have been beautifully strained and needy since arrival, and they all seem to be addressing only part of their stories. obviously i can't speak extensively to everyone else's characters, but i can tldr some about chuck and his feels about all of them, and death and heroism and wars and copilots. SO THAT IS WHAT I'M GOING TO DO.

death kindof seems to be the elephant in the room

when the rangers arrived, there has been like, zero conversation about what happens next. and while it looks like everyone is trying to avoid the subject as much as possible- it's the only thing chuck can see. he has mako there, and their fumbling efforts to reconcile the people they were and the relationship they had with the knowledge of their present situation and the thousand and one things that went unsaid between them. his relationship with raleigh is comprised of start-stops, with raleigh often taking the higher road as it were, and trying to acknowledge chuck as more than the shit-stirring asshole he'd first met- and with that comes raleigh's history of loss. chuck sees that, but worse, knows that kind of loss himself, and thus responds with the only 'safe' method he knows- fighting it off. yancy is the single exception to chuck's almost complete avoidance and further, is really the only pilot he's brought up dying in the field to. why? well. because yancy is dead yes, but also because they didn't know one another in life. so he's this outlier that makes it safe for chuck to mention the lives they both won't get a chance to lead but it also makes him a safe place for chuck to just be. where he can be a kid, who really didn't want to die, and it isn't heroic or tragic or good or bad. it just is.

he can't share these sentiments with pentecost because pentecost is his superior. because chuck needs to know that when he's in stacker's presence he's a good soldier, and part of being a good soldier, is not being too human. chuck needs to believe he's still good at this (the only thing he's ever considered himself good at, and the identity he's built his entire life around) in order to function. he can't share them with herc either, for a multitude of reasons. because chuck knows what it's like to be the survivor and have to build a life for yourself around the dead and around your loss. because herc is the measurement by which chuck gauges his own success and worthiness. because he knows that herc has 'decided' that he's going to stay in exit void with chuck and also because they're both equally aware (outside of that idealism) that no one has any control over when they stay and when they go.

not that chuck can articulate any of this to the people around him. because he just
a) isn't that self-aware
b) doesn't know how to self-disclose
c) doesn't know how to maintain/develop healthy interpersonal relationships

NOT THAT I EXPECT THIS EVENT/FALLOUT IS GOING TO RADICALLY RESHAPE THIS
but it would definitely get the ball moving for chuck's relationship development, and maybe help the ppdc let out the collective breath that everyone's been holding. because lets face it, pacrim is full of disgusting loss and heartbreak and is at it's core- a film about the strength of the human spirit and the power of love. while i don't believe that this will be revolutionary for them, i do hope that it raises questions within the characters themselves and their relationships with one another. they're a tightly knit bunch. they rely on one another for everything that matters- and while we all have external cr, when push comes to shove, the ppdc always rushes to one another before they look to anything else. they're insular. they hold each other up through a combination of training, necessity, and mutual understanding in a way that separates them from the people around them. there's the ppdc- and then there's the Public They Protect. tldr, the ppdc is used to the idea of suiting up to kill giant monsters, they aren't used to being the monsters. or to fighting a very human enemy.

okay lena where are you going with this and what are you wanting to do

idk guys
again, initially i just entertained the idea because true blood and it was funny at the time
actually doing it is going to be- horrible. :c

after he's turned, i'd like for chuck to come to the understanding that something is wrong with him. because he and the other rangers can handle going out fighting, but this is something else. this is closer to what stacker had dealt with. chuck is going to be 'sick,' and i'd like him to contact someone- maybe pentecost or yancy and tell them so. that something isn't right, that he feels wrong. he might even try to have a go at someone. (tendo i know we haven't gotten anything going, idk if you'd be interested. stephen king vampires are warded off by crosses- so i mean, if you've got your rosary. idk just a thought.)

as he's a pretty self-sufficient character and one prone to isolating himself anyway, to see what was happening on the network he'd suggest that they lock him down somewhere until they could figure out what was going on. because i don't imagine the ppdc would be quick to kill one of their own, but also because leaving him out in the public at large is a risk to the people around them. when it comes down to needing to take him out to 'fix' him- it's the sort of thing chuck would want to do himself, but i'm not sure that would be feasible. he might be too far along in his crazy, or he might be restrained for the sake of safety. i also haven't double checked if there's a specific way in which these vampires would need to be killed- as i know all those turned into necromorphs on the ishimura had to be dismembered. bouncing this off of lexi, i know we'd discussed herc wanting to be the one to do it- but that also brings herc's mental state into the picture, and he's really going to need some direction. likely instruction from pentecost (especially since both of them will have lost their children in this event) but more than that- the ppdc appears to have become a surrogate family to each other. at least, i can say as much from chuck's perspective. which is gross and he doesn't entirely understand yet.

coming back from the graveyard he'll have a 1week loss penalty, and i'm leaning towards making it that chuck will lose all memories of the ppdc for the week. i know what you're thinking JESUS CHRIST LENA WHY WOULD YOU EVEN

well. because he'll still have the drift, to start. and that'll bring him to the classrooms trying to sort it out. but it'll also give him the opportunity to see everyone without the trappings of whatever boxes he's put them in. without the survivalist barriers he's thrown up and, really, with his guard down. which isn't an experience chuck has really had before; getting to see people as people. i think it'll be an awesome experience for him to reconcile once the penalty ends and he understands that these people are still there and flawed and constant even when he was at his perceived most vulnerable.

I AM REALLY SORRY I KNOW THIS IS A LOT but i figured it would affect everyone else a lot too, and i wanted to throw all of this out there so we could talk about it. see how everyone's character would respond, what they would need, what concerns might be had- and where we can go with it??? okay i'm done typing it's someone else's turn now :x