[ there's a defensiveness to her tone, and chuck doesn't hold it against her because the same creases line his face, telegraph the weight to his shoulders and the curl of his fingers. their collective history has been nothing but the systematic destruction of whatever they might have been as children- scraping friendship and need and dependence down, and carrying them away brick by goddamn brick. he's not sure who started it (chuck imagines it must have been him, it's always been him) but they've come so far and it's gone on so long (he's dead now, there isn't any going back) that it doesn't matter.
she's gauging it. gauging him.
chuck knows this from experience, knows it like he knows his first name, and some part of him goes still. he's not the kind of man anyone needed to bow to. he's no hero (soldiers aren't, never have been) and his sacrifice (that thing he's still resolutely not thinking about, not remembering not feeling) isn't a sacrifice at all. it's just doing his job and finishing the mission and he doesn't need a goddamn medal or the bow from the deep part of her spine to tell him that. chuck doesn't want to be whatever it is her respect is going to turn him into. ]
I know.
[ turns out to be the only thing that comes out, and his mouth feels dry. he pulls himself together in a way that looks like shifting metal- plates over what's molten, and his gaze moves away on the inhale. this part he can do. there's a clip to his tone that speaks volumes to the amount of distance he wants between himself and detonation. ] Didn't come here for that.
no subject
she's gauging it. gauging him.
chuck knows this from experience, knows it like he knows his first name, and some part of him goes still. he's not the kind of man anyone needed to bow to. he's no hero (soldiers aren't, never have been) and his sacrifice (that thing he's still resolutely not thinking about, not remembering not feeling) isn't a sacrifice at all. it's just doing his job and finishing the mission and he doesn't need a goddamn medal or the bow from the deep part of her spine to tell him that. chuck doesn't want to be whatever it is her respect is going to turn him into. ]
I know.
[ turns out to be the only thing that comes out, and his mouth feels dry. he pulls himself together in a way that looks like shifting metal- plates over what's molten, and his gaze moves away on the inhale. this part he can do. there's a clip to his tone that speaks volumes to the amount of distance he wants between himself and detonation. ] Didn't come here for that.